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I’m the type of girl you notice walk into a room.
I am loud.
I am present.
I am giggly.
I am filled with conversation and laughter.

My body tends to carry the same attributes as my personality.
I am tall in height.
Wide in the hips.
Thick in the ass.
Broad in the shoulders.

Although I have fluctuated 10, 20 and at one point, 30 pounds over the last say, 6 years, (pre crossfit) for the most part, my body really hasn’t changed much. I’ve always remained a solid size medium.

Well, the unforeseen has happened. I no longer feel comfortable and confident in any of my clothing.

( Scratch that, I feel like a fucking champion in a tank top and a pair of compression shorts.)

But could it be true? Do I need to go shopping because I am getting bigger?

For those who know me, know I am a cardigan queen. Two days ago, I tried on between 8 and 12 sweaters and cardigans. I fought back tears as I gave up and threw a ROGUE Fitness hoodie on instead and marched out the door.

What is happening to my body?

You’ve all heard the quote

“Skinny girls look good in clothes.
Fit girls look good naked.”

I LOVE HOW I LOOK NAKED! I wish I could spend more time being naked! Even in my WOD clothes, I look in the mirror and I truly am happy with seeing my body progress and get stronger!

I love my arms.
I love my shoulders.
I love my chest.
I love my back.
I love my ass.
I love my thighs

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In real clothes, I feel boxy, broad, wide, thick, and all other synonyms. My once trusty companion, the size medium, stretches across my back and through my biceps and leaves me feeling insanely uncomfortable.

This got me thinking. There are a lot of things about my body that have changed since I started crossfitting. Things I struggle on. Thing I love and hate at the same time. Starting from the head down.

1.My brain. It can’t stop thinking about crossfit. 1 sheep, 2 sheep, AMRAP, medball slams, snatch, pullup…

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2. My face. The skin. It breaks out. A lot. It’s gross. My pores. They are clogged. Constantly.

3. My back, shoulders, arms. They are muscular for the first time in 25 years. Strong, and present. My shoulders are round and broad. My triceps can be seen through my shirt. My lats are long and broad. The band size on my bras have increased.

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4. My boobs. They’ve shrunk. They are practically none existent.

5. My stomach. It’s hungry. All the time. So hungry. It constantly needs to be fed.

6. My legs. They are huge. They’ve always been huge. 10,000 squats has made my ass rounder and my legs tighter, but never smaller. They are solid as an oak.

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7. The calluses. The bruising. The rope burn. The mat burn. The whip marks. All the aesthetics. They are constant. When one thing heals, another thing happens.

8. The pain. I’m not walking with swagger, I’m just sore. All over. All the time.
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My point is this, my body has changed and the stronger I get, the more it will continue to change. And surprise, I am also a women. I could be the damn near sexiest chick in the world, and still wake up some mornings and hate what I see in the mirror. No matter how many inspirational mantras I tell myself, there will still be days where I struggle. There will always be days that I feel like a busted can of biscuits. That being said, its really time to start accepting my body and the way clothing fits. It’s time to donate majority of my closet and start fresh.

Why do we, women, do that anyways? We hoard clothes. Am I really ever going to wear those size 12 jeans from college ever again? I damn near hope not. Or worse, am I ever going to lose a ton of weight and and wear those size 6 jeans from high school? Ha! They don’t have a fighting chance against these thighs! I have an entire closet filled with a teacher’s wardrobe. Welp, I am no longer a teacher and never want to step foot back in a classroom. Why hold on to those cardigans that cant contain my beautiful biceps anymore? Donate those babies and move forward!

Really truly loving your body, all the time, is a tremendous task. There is no secret formula, recipe or workout that will help guide you into body image bliss. But I do believe if we start to accept that we need new clothes. If we accept skinny jeans aren’t for us. If we learn to dress our bodies and fill our closet with clothing that helps us feel sexy and confident, we will be well on our way to loving our new, strong, and powerful bodies

Although athletic apparel has an incredible way of showing off our beautiful muscle, sadly we can’t live in REEBOK and LULULEMON for the rest of our lives. I don’t think you can show up to your sister’s wedding in a sports bra and tank top.

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So, I challenge you! Once you are able to get your mind in the right place, walk into your closet, and start emptying those hangers of anything that you don’t feel confident in. Give them away, donate them, throw them in the trash for all I care, just fucking get them out of your closet.

Then, on a day where you are feeling exceptionally sexy, hit the stores!

Go find pants that comfortably shows off your gorgeous ass.

Go find shirts that comfortably fit your strong arms and sexy back.

But go with patience and take your time.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it…

You’re a badass crossfit chick anyways.
Since when has struggle ever held you down?

And next time you are feeling frustrated trying to fit into “regular clothes” that all the other women are wearing, remember most of those women will never understand that feeling right before a lift or that moment right after a new PR. Our goals are more important than fitting our asses into a pair of fucking jeans.

Your muscles are gorgeous. Love them. All of them.

As for the constant crossfit talk, dreams, thoughts, insane hunger, bruised shins, and rough hands, I can’t help you there! It’s all part of the game baby!

 

INSTAGRAM? : Find us @LIFERXD

Did you like this article?
Check out my latest article, a followup to this one;
Still Trying To Accept My Crossfit Body.

 

 

 

And for your entertainment,
a couple funny crossfit memes! xo

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        df23a7365cda9a39d00e9de80db6184d
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41 thoughts on “Accepting My Crossfit Body.

  1. I am going to cry. You used my MEME. I made that brain 6 months ago and posted it on reddit. Biggest regret to this day is not putting my name on it! Awesome article!

  2. I only made one thing so honestly I wish I had my name on that one thing, haha but your right it shouldn’t matter. Anyways thanks :D. Sorry, kinda freaking out right now. I never expected it to blow up among the community but its pretty crazy that it did. Great read btw. I feel the same way in my clothes. I really want to make clothes that fit CrossFitters and Gym rats alike. Can’t find a plaid button up that doesn’t cut off circulation to my body.

    • Hey girl! Maybe edit the brain, add your name or link and recirculate it! :) A clothing line specific for female athletes, that wasn’t athletic apparel would be incredible! Keep on crushing life! Stay hungry! You are limitless.

  3. Jaq,

    I am not sure if you know it or not, but I pay attention to what you do; to your progress, to your overwhelming social media habits ;), to the large amount of things you seem to be accomplishing since I stirnly forced you into this lifestyle (laughs). Keep going, keep trying, and on the days that doesn’t work, drink some coffee, stfu, and try tomorrow. I am not easily impressed or motivated by others (you know this), but I believe you are heading in a direction that is giving back. I am proud of you.

    David

  4. Thank you…loved this. And this may be my project this weekend instead of decorating for Christmas :) and who doesn’t want to think of Crossfit all the time? I just woke up after dreaming about it!

  5. Pingback: Accepting My CrossFit Body | Heather Ross

  6. Thank you for writing this..It helps to know that I am not the only one. Hard to know for sure when the malls and clothing shops are not full of crossfitting women.

  7. Thank you. I need to be rewired completely but this article helped me to see that I am definitely not alone. When money allows I plan on reworking my closet and quit paying attention to sizes.

  8. This article is great, and should be required reading for all women who start crossfit! – even as a guy though i find it hard to find clothes that fit. – have large legs and a small waist? have fun finding jeans or suit pants. Have large arms, shoulders or chest? – good luck getting a well fitting dress shirt.

  9. I love your perspective, it matches where I’m trying to get my head to. I may not be a cross fitter, but reading this made me feel empowered and pulled out the badass spark I’ve been searching for. Great reading, Thank you!!

  10. Hey, I’m sorry, but seriously overly beefy girls are just far too manly looking. I know tons of fit girls who don’t beef up, do tons of excess weights. Each person has a body type and a workout regiment for them, so lets not replace one impossible stereotype of women for another. Just be who you are, if its a skinny chick, be that and own it, if your the big boobie girl, own that too…if you need/want/obsess about sports, you’ll have no complaints here. Just don’t talk smack about skinny or fat chicks, cause that @#$% ain’t right. Playa!

    • My intentions were never to put down skinny chicks or bigger chicks. When I express ‘fitting our asses into a pair of jeans’ , it not meant to be condescending towards women trying to lose weight. But rather expressing the struggle that crossfitters have in finding a pair of pants that fit our legs and our waist. This is an issue I’ve written about before.

      Thank you for reaching out and expressing your concern. My intentions are pure. I personally hate the word ‘skinny’. I don’t think it’s a compliment. I know ‘skinny’ women struggle their own battles too. I actually dislike that quote I used, but tried to drive home my point with it.

      Again, thank you. But I am not and would not put down other women to glorify another. We should empower and love each other. Not hate on one another!

  11. Brilliant…What is hard is not to show the frustration in front of my 3 girls… They see me workout, and know how important fitness is or just getting out and being active as a family. I am doing my best to raise 3 strong, smart girls. I love how my body has changed in the last 2 years with CF, but shopping is not as fun as it used to be…Thank you for the reminder of how cool I am… ;)

  12. After joining Crossfit and experiencing the above mentioned – braod cheast , flat bust, widening hips to mention afew my designer mind went into a crossfit chics are sexy mode.
    I love working out just as much as i love dolling up so i tried to design a new line tailored to crossfit chics… Needless to say it was hard enough getting some of the crossfitters from the gym to model the stuff for me.
    The Crossfit chics i know seem to think it is uncool to doll up if you are a Crossfitter. N’way I gave up on the line in the end so i extremely surprised to see this post.
    Thank you for posting ….

    • Are you kidding me? I bet I could get some sexy crossfit females together to model a line for you! I don’t think you should give up this idea! So so so many females would benefit from this. (Crossfitters and other athletes alike.) I absolutely love getting dressed up! What is why I wrote this article. Follow your dreams Dia! I say you revamp the business plan and try again! (Then get in touch with me for some models. :)

  13. Hi there! Great post! I loved it so much that I wrote a blog post of my own that does more into my experience with the stuff you discussed. I’d love it if you checked it out at myedrecovery.blogspot.com basically I talk all about eating disorder recovery and crossfit :) Enjoy!

  14. Pingback: CrossFit Danville » Accept your CrossFit body

  15. Love..love this write up. I have been doing Crossfit now for 7 months and will have to find new dress pants as my quads are filling up the slacks. Everything I wear lately people at work are like look at those muscles and I get embarrassed…but now I think I will lift my head up and be proud! I’m 41 and getting in shape (for me) for the first time in my life vs. always trying to be “thin”, not eating and frustrated. Thank you for reminding me that sexy is strong!!

  16. Pingback: WOD 3 January 2014

  17. Although I enjoyed being very strong, the community of CF and the constant pushing through physical goals, after 5 years, I’ve retired from CF. I too got larger as I got stronger and had to keep buying bigger clothes. My expensive dresses and suits sat in my closet until I too had a “come to Jesus” that I would never be the size to fit into them again and I donated them. For me personally, I walked into any CF box with confidence but not so much at work or with clients. I felt BIG, too big.

    I quit CrossFit (cold turkey by the way) the weight came off, I regret giving away some of my old clothing since I would fit back into them now, but am hopefully that someone found use in them.

    I’m happy that I spent 5 years with CF and adore the friends I’ve made through CF, however I”m happier now that it’s in the past, I’m smaller, have clearer skin, not nearly as much laundry and I’m excited about trying other things that keep me strong and at a size I feel good at.

  18. As a fellow female crossfitter, I absolutely loved this. I too have experienced the inevitable physical transformation after three years of doing crossfit, and I was really touched by the heartfelt manner with which you’ve expressed what many of us experience. After being a skinny cross-country girl for many years, I have muscle definition for the first time in my life! It’s rad! (even though slacks are almost entirely out of the question these days – they just don’t zip up anymore….oh, well)

    I host an online radio show/podcast called Gab It Up and I am doing a segment on crossfit this month, I would love to feature – you – the author of this article on my show. My website is: http://livesircuit.com/gabitup/ Feel free to contact me at gabitup.tv@gmail.com

    Keep up the great work! I still can’t do a HSPU without a box – but I’ll get there… ;)

  19. great article thankyou :) I have always been an “athletic” build and always tried to be skinny, even anorexic, and finally at age 52 have joined crossfit and finally accepted it is cool to be muscley. thank you again!

  20. Thank you, thank you, thank you for this article! I strongly relate to this article and it’s such a relief to know that I’m not the only one that has struggled with the changes that my body has gone through since I started Crossfit. I’ve spoken about this to friends, and in return, they often role their eyes. It’s a love/hate relationship.

    Love that I’m getting stronger and fitter but hate that I struggle to fit in regular clothes.
    Love my beautiful strong arms / hate that they no longer fit in beautiful silk blouses.
    Love my muscular legs / hate that they are slowly tearing all my pants!
    Love that I’m developing abs / hate the bulge it gives my stomach when wearing cute tight fitting dresses.
    We won’t even talk about what’s happened to my cup size… Or how much I struggled with the numbers going up on my scale.

    Oof! There! I said it!

    In the end, nothing beats the rush I get when I am successfully able to lift heavier and heavier weights again and again… This kick ass muscular body makes it all worth while.

    Love love love this article!

    Thank you!

  21. Pingback: Post For My Female CrossFitters | Mountain River Crossfit nutrition

  22. Pingback: Accepting My CrossFit Body » North East CrossFit

  23. I’m currently experiencing an “Oh crap, I don’t fit into those pants anymore!” moment. I’ve gained 15ish pounds over the last year and a half. Needed to get bigger…weird pursuit to most. Ha. Was struggling with the internal girl beast just today. Thanks for the post. I’m going shopping. Fearlessly, of course.

  24. Love this! I’m a powerlifter who’s been training for a little over a year and sometimes I look at myself in the mirror and think I don’t look “feminine” or whatever. But I’m in the best shape of my life! The cuts in my arms and the broadness of my shoulders and back reflect all of that hard work I put in this past year. Thank you for getting me to refocus my attention on that success and not what I think a woman ‘should’ look like. Kudos!

  25. So happy to read your post!! It was exactly what I was searching for. I was recently questioning my Crossfit body (that I love) and fitting into my jeans. I just need to know that I wasn’t alone and it’s not a flaw. You said it perfectly…strong is beautiful! Thanks!

  26. I love this post. Being fit does have its disadvantages in the wardrobe department – I am a size 8-10 and it is almost impossible to get shirts to fit (and not even for the good reason that I have boobs, they are long gone) I am talking about the super arm tightness meaning that you cant possibly do anything other than keep your arms completely straight and down by your sides.
    #fitgirlslookgoodnaked

  27. Pingback: Still Trying To Accept My Crossfit Body. | LifeRXd

  28. Reblogged this on My Journey Rx and commented:
    This is a great read that Jacqueline wrote in her Blog: LifeRXd. I wanted to share with our CrossFit Community because I think we all as women have struggled with accepting our strong CrossFit bodies from time to time. Lord knows after starting CrossFit, none of my “regular” clothes fit anymore, it was kinda comical, but don’t think I did not freak out a little! It comes down to understanding and accepting yourself, knowing yourself-worth and value as an individual WILL NOT be judged by the size you wear or the way you look, but rather by your actions and choices. You determine your happiness, you and you alone, don’t let the views or actions of others dictate how you live your life.

    This is a powerful message about truly accepting and loving you for you and not trying to be something you think you should be due to outside pressures or society. So love your body and wear those strong sexy muscles with pride!!

    Take Care,

    Michelle

  29. This is a great article! I agree with everything that you have wrote! I have experienced all if this! My “not fitting” started at a very young age! I was a Gymnast and Competitive tumbler. Having an Ass and big legs at age 10 wasn’t the easiest thing to go thru! Clothes never fit right ! I am short and built and it took many years to embrace these quality’s about myself! I lived thru the waif period when all the girls were underfed malnourished to fit into the fashionable fad of the time! I tried to jump on the band wagon and starved myself along with the many others! So many times over the years, I was unhealthy by trying to”fit in” the diet upon diets and counting calories. So many different changes in the diet world took place during these years such as you should count fat, then stay low carbs, no carbs or just liquids to fasting and cleansing, one fad after another.. You name it, I tried it! You know I couldn’t keep up! Who could? Yes, it was mostly all tied to the fashion of the time from high shirts to low cut jeans to cut off shorts to leggings! Although proud of the goals that I was able to achieve by maintaining such muscle, these bigger legs that provided the strength,the speed,the endurance I never understood how it took this body to accomplish these things! Such as breaking track records in school, placing top 10 in Nationals for Tumbling, offered fitness jobs at age 18 with out certifications. I was young, just plain ignorant of it all really. I can look back and laugh now! I am now 42. Still A Fitness Instructor of 25 plus years! A now crossfitter , a Personal Trainer, a Life Coach to many, a mother and still short still muscular and still find many moments where my clothes don’t fit … And that is ok! I don’t have to fit them…. You see , They have to fit me! And that’s the difference! The trends don’t make or shape me.. I shape me! I am strong I am fit and I am just me ! So for those if you reading this if you question joining crossfit for the sake of being ” to muscular or manly” dig deeper inside yourself! Challenge why it is that you would maybe miss out on finding out how much endurance, strength, speed you possess over a dress size or what others may view your body as…. Come on! You are all more than that! Thank you for writing this! Keep inspiring! Keep pushing !!!
    Oh and one more thing ..let’s not forget this skinny girls look good in clothes .. Fit girls look good naked! Woohoo! 3,2,1 ..Go!

  30. Pingback: CrossFit and women’s bodies: It’s complicated | Fit Is a Feminist Issue

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