I’m the type of girl you notice walk into a room.
I am loud.
I am present.
I am giggly.
I am filled with conversation and laughter.
My body tends to carry the same attributes as my personality.
I am tall in height.
Wide in the hips.
Thick in the ass.
Broad in the shoulders.
Although I have fluctuated 10, 20 and at one point, 30 pounds over the last say, 6 years, (pre crossfit) for the most part, my body really hasn’t changed much. I’ve always remained a solid size medium.
Well, the unforeseen has happened. I no longer feel comfortable and confident in any of my clothing.
( Scratch that, I feel like a fucking champion in a tank top and a pair of compression shorts.)
But could it be true? Do I need to go shopping because I am getting bigger?
For those who know me, know I am a cardigan queen. Two days ago, I tried on between 8 and 12 sweaters and cardigans. I fought back tears as I gave up and threw a ROGUE Fitness hoodie on instead and marched out the door.
What is happening to my body?
You’ve all heard the quote
“Skinny girls look good in clothes.
Fit girls look good naked.”
I LOVE HOW I LOOK NAKED! I wish I could spend more time being naked! Even in my WOD clothes, I look in the mirror and I truly am happy with seeing my body progress and get stronger!
I love my arms.
I love my shoulders.
I love my chest.
I love my back.
I love my ass.
I love my thighs
In real clothes, I feel boxy, broad, wide, thick, and all other synonyms. My once trusty companion, the size medium, stretches across my back and through my biceps and leaves me feeling insanely uncomfortable.
This got me thinking. There are a lot of things about my body that have changed since I started crossfitting. Things I struggle on. Thing I love and hate at the same time. Starting from the head down.
1.My brain. It can’t stop thinking about crossfit. 1 sheep, 2 sheep, AMRAP, medball slams, snatch, pullup…
2. My face. The skin. It breaks out. A lot. It’s gross. My pores. They are clogged. Constantly.
3. My back, shoulders, arms. They are muscular for the first time in 25 years. Strong, and present. My shoulders are round and broad. My triceps can be seen through my shirt. My lats are long and broad. The band size on my bras have increased.
4. My boobs. They’ve shrunk. They are practically none existent.
5. My stomach. It’s hungry. All the time. So hungry. It constantly needs to be fed.
6. My legs. They are huge. They’ve always been huge. 10,000 squats has made my ass rounder and my legs tighter, but never smaller. They are solid as an oak.
7. The calluses. The bruising. The rope burn. The mat burn. The whip marks. All the aesthetics. They are constant. When one thing heals, another thing happens.
My point is this, my body has changed and the stronger I get, the more it will continue to change. And surprise, I am also a women. I could be the damn near sexiest chick in the world, and still wake up some mornings and hate what I see in the mirror. No matter how many inspirational mantras I tell myself, there will still be days where I struggle. There will always be days that I feel like a busted can of biscuits. That being said, its really time to start accepting my body and the way clothing fits. It’s time to donate majority of my closet and start fresh.
Why do we, women, do that anyways? We hoard clothes. Am I really ever going to wear those size 12 jeans from college ever again? I damn near hope not. Or worse, am I ever going to lose a ton of weight and and wear those size 6 jeans from high school? Ha! They don’t have a fighting chance against these thighs! I have an entire closet filled with a teacher’s wardrobe. Welp, I am no longer a teacher and never want to step foot back in a classroom. Why hold on to those cardigans that cant contain my beautiful biceps anymore? Donate those babies and move forward!
Really truly loving your body, all the time, is a tremendous task. There is no secret formula, recipe or workout that will help guide you into body image bliss. But I do believe if we start to accept that we need new clothes. If we accept skinny jeans aren’t for us. If we learn to dress our bodies and fill our closet with clothing that helps us feel sexy and confident, we will be well on our way to loving our new, strong, and powerful bodies
Although athletic apparel has an incredible way of showing off our beautiful muscle, sadly we can’t live in REEBOK and LULULEMON for the rest of our lives. I don’t think you can show up to your sister’s wedding in a sports bra and tank top.
So, I challenge you! Once you are able to get your mind in the right place, walk into your closet, and start emptying those hangers of anything that you don’t feel confident in. Give them away, donate them, throw them in the trash for all I care, just fucking get them out of your closet.
Then, on a day where you are feeling exceptionally sexy, hit the stores!
Go find pants that comfortably shows off your gorgeous ass.
Go find shirts that comfortably fit your strong arms and sexy back.
But go with patience and take your time.
It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it…
You’re a badass crossfit chick anyways.
Since when has struggle ever held you down?
And next time you are feeling frustrated trying to fit into “regular clothes” that all the other women are wearing, remember most of those women will never understand that feeling right before a lift or that moment right after a new PR. Our goals are more important than fitting our asses into a pair of fucking jeans.
Your muscles are gorgeous. Love them. All of them.
As for the constant crossfit talk, dreams, thoughts, insane hunger, bruised shins, and rough hands, I can’t help you there! It’s all part of the game baby!
INSTAGRAM? : Find us @LIFERXD
Did you like this article?
Check out my latest article, a followup to this one;
Still Trying To Accept My Crossfit Body.
And for your entertainment,
a couple funny crossfit memes! xo